Friday's letters

Hello! And welcome to this week's edition of Friday's letters. I am your host, April. And today is a NO good very bad day as I am expected to work a FULL day. (Well until I need to leave at 3 p.m. but whatever...)

• Dear Taylor Swift, I am dying inside that I like your new song. Wowzers. Wee-EEE are never, ever, ever getting back together! I figure if I sandwich your song in between Young Jeezy, it should all level out.
• Dear people who host blog giveaways, could you please just draw my damn name ONCE? It would make this whole entering thing so much more fun! 
• Dear Labor Day week vacation, please be nice out! I beg of you! If not, I will be forced to sit inside and drink bloody marys all day. At least let me drink them out in the sun!
• Dear cheese, why must you be so good? I swear one would think I am from Wisconsin with how much cheese I eat!
• Dear Ali, did you REALLY take three steps last night? You are just over 10 months old! Good lord child!

Friday's letters

WOO HOO! Happy Friday! I can't wait to try out my new yacht water slide this weekend! Oh wait...

Dear Rich Kids of Instagram, Thanks for being so funny. I love when I come across random things that make me laugh! And sorry if I never check you again, I am so bad at that!

Dear daycare, Thanks for being closed every other Friday in August. It really is a good excuse to take the day off work!

Dear Summer Infant, Thanks for sending us a new video monitor! But why can't you just make a product that works for more than 11 months in the first place? We're impressed with the customer service but let's just see how long this new monitor lasts us... 

Dear Olympics, Thanks for being over! Sorry I'm just not that into you! At least I was always honest with you and never led you on.

Dear people just now complaining about the Facebook timeline, I am sorry for your troubles. I was switched over a LONG time ago so I guess I've already had time to deal with it!

Dear husband, WHY do you always think I'm lying about something when you just don't want to fix believe it? Case in point, why would I lie and say our new jogging stroller shakes violently about every 100 feet? I told you once and you didn't do anything about it so I went on another 2 mile walk with it! I finally had to strap a propane tank into the stroller and walk up and down the middle of the street to replicate the shaking in order for you to believe me! Thanks for then tightening the bolts for me! Problem solved. Now, was that so hard?!

Friday's letters

Happy, happy Friday!

Dear Minnesota Vikings,  I know it's only preseason but I am so sorry that I have date night plans and will miss your game tonight. Please try not to suck too much.

Dear date night restaurant, Please have a martini, red wine and the largest filet mignon you can scrounge up all ready for me when I arrive tonight. If you could also have one of those sweet potatoes that's as big as a football, that would be great since I am missing the game!

Dear mint jeans, I am sorry that you won't arrive in time to enjoy date night. I really wanted to take you with. Hopefully you still fit when I am able to try you on tomorrow.

Dear first free week of yoga classes, I am very excited to start you on Saturday. I hope this Barre Burn class is good. You may have a new customer for life!

Dear coffee, Thank you for existing! You might be spendy but you make my mornings a whole lot easier to tolerate!

Friday's letters

• TGIF! I owe my first letter to the one and only Friday! Thank you for always being there for me at the end of a long (or short) week.
• Dear vacation time, I really like you a lot. I wish you could multiply all on your own and never deplete. Thanks for allowing me to take this Friday off! Daycare is closed. Luckily Daddy is off work too so Mommy has a MUCH needed hair appt and then meeting a couple of old co-workers for a quick happy hour!
• Dear friends we are going boating with on Sunday, Yes, I will be wearing a one piece. And wearing it mighty uncomfortably. Please try not to show off your six pack abs in a bikini too much.
• Dear Wakebrothers, Thanks for being my favorite new show! I forgot about another 'brush with fame' -- a good friend of mine's roommate is dating one of the brothers on the show. So, that's why we started watching but I have to admit I am hooked now!
• Dear Trader Joe's Cinnamon and Sugar Pita Chips, I am so glad I didn't find you earlier or I might be 20 lbs. heavier! 
• Dear number on the scale,  Why are you different every single day? Actually, don't answer that. I am learning that you don't even matter to me anymore! I feel better and think I look better so you are just a thing of the past! Deuces.

Friday's letters

It TRULY is my favorite day of the week now! FRIDAY! FRIDAY!

Dear vacation, I love you SO SO much! Please be good to me over this long weekend. Nice weather and nicer in laws. :)

Dear anyone who has ever been on House Hunters International,  How or why do you have so much extra disposable income? Color me jealous but I want a vacation home in the Caribbean, too! I know you don't use it year-round so you should let me come stay when you're not using it. Please be sure there's some bottled water in the fridge and I take my coffee with cream and real sugar. Thanks!

Dear Oprah radio, I love you but you should know that makeover shows don't translate very well via radio. Also, what is up with all of this master class, soul searching mumbo jumbo? It is all very holier-than-thou in my opinion! Now the old show you played this week about Tanya Harding and Lorena Bobbit was smashing! I am so glad I was in my car at 7 a.m., 4:30 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. to hear it THREE times!


Dear entire high school boys football team, I am sorry that we were both working out on the same track/field at the same time on Thursday night. I'm so glad I'm too old to be embarrassed!

Dear payday, Thank you for showing up again as you do every-other-week. However, why do I never have any money even though you claim to deposit a large sum into my account? Please start depositing more of this money, increase your frequency or stop some of those automatic bill pay thingys that are arranged against my will.

Dear "famous" people on Instagram, What are you famous for??? I do not understand!

Friday's letters

It's time for another edition of Friday's letters! TGIF!

Dear DUMB ass mofos who leave their children in the car when it's triple digits hot out, Well, I'm writing you a letter but I don't even know what to say to you. I hope you get your karma and you are the reason I believe people should need some kind of licensure to reproduce.

Dear everyone on Facebook, I know you ALL went to the Kenny Chesney, Tim McGraw concert at Target Field on Sunday. I have now seen every single photo ever taken during the concert. I also know that you all watched that Cookie Monster "Call me Maybe" cover. Yes, it was funny and cute. And I also know that all of you recently completed some kind of Tough Mudder, Mud Run, etc. race. This I truly do not understand. Running around in the mud and possibly getting electrocuted by live wires? Gee, be sure to send me the Facebook event invite for the next one...

Dear Alexis Bellino, I actually kind of feel bad for you because you seem like such a sad and insecure woman. It was very enlightening to hear how you treat the crew of the show that pays for your Escalade, "Beemer" and SL550, rented home, etc. And also the folks at the greatest department store around, Nordstrom. When you speak you just run yourself in circles and I want to SHAKE you! I would say that I hope you're off the show but let's face it, I love watching you in action. Especially those Emmy-award winning cat fashion show "news" reports.


Dear Heather DuBrow, Thank you for being so hilarious and intelligent! It is a rare combination and I pretty much love everything that comes out of your mouth. You should have your own show!

Friday's letters

Dear Direct TV signal, Eff you, honestly! You go out every single time it rains even just a little bit! I can't wait until our contract is up. Then you're fired. It's really a shame that we're too cheap to cough up some dough and get out of our contract early ala Katie/Kate Holmes! Dear manager on my team, Thanks for telling me to be sure to take advantage of today's summer hours since my boss and boss' boss are on vacation and weren't there to tell me to do so. Pretty sure I was leaving at noon regardless but I do appreciate the sentiment. Dear Target worker, Is it really a rule that once something leaves the building, it can't be brought back in if someone leaves it in a cart? CC Jennifer to please confirm or deny this claim. My lovely and honest husband lugged in a case of water someone left on the bottom of their cart in the parking lot. You told him that once something leaves the building, you can't take it back for someone to come back and get it once they realize they forgot it. And also, thanks for repeatedly telling lovely husband that 'this conversation never happened' and that he could take the water or it would be thrown away. Score one $4 package of water for the Meyers! Dear food, wine and other alcoholic beverages, Why must you be so tasty and encourage me to eat or drink you when I am desperately trying to lose this baby weight? Dear Aubrey O'Day, Remind me again of why I decided to follow you on Instagram? In all honesty, you seem like kind of a whoooree. But I can't bring myself to unfollow you. Train wreck. Dear people on this, my inaugural, Friday's letters link up, WOW there are a lot of you! I really want to try to check out all of your blogs but I cannot guarantee this will happen. Which leads me to... Dear in-laws, Sorry we did not come to your house for our nice, relaxing long weekend like we did in our pre-baby years. It turns out that traveling with an infant isn't really that nice or relaxing. But thanks for telling us that you're now coming to stay with us this weekend to make up for our absence. We truly cannot get enough of your advice and constructive criticism of our parenting skills! And now we really won't have time to sit around and blog surf. XOXO April